My Forever
by wild-angel82
Summary: Spencer goes to see Ashley at her loft before the graduation party and they talk about the future.


A/N: First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed and massaged me about my first Spashley story. Your comments are greatly appreciated. Second, those who are reading my Criminal Minds fanfic are probably going to hate me now, but I'm on such a Spashley high right now. I have all those ideas in my head and I just have turn them into stories before my head explodes, hehe :) I hope you enjoy this one and you can expect some more in a not so distant future.

**My Forever**

_Am I your first or am I your forever? Are you staying or are you leaving? Am I just some high school fling or do we actually have a future together?_ The words echo in Spencer's mind over and over again making her head feel ten thousand times heavier than it really was. She is standing outside Ashley's loft desperately trying to keep her composure and praying she would be able to get through this conversation. She knows they will be seeing each other at the party, but somehow she feels like that is not going to be the best scenario to tell Ashley what she is about to tell her. She needs peace and quiet and first and foremost she needs Ashley alone, and not surrounded by all their friends and her parents and God knows who else. She knows Kyla is not there, because she had plans with Aiden, so Spencer is hoping she will be able to talk to Ashley with no interruptions.

She takes a deep breath and knocks. A couple moments pass and nothing happens and she is just about to turn around and leave when she finally hears someone coming to the door. When the door opens she sees Ashley wearing shorts and a T-shirt and she can't help but smile at the thought that no one could ever make an outfit like that work better than her favorite brunette.

"Hi." Spencer says softly and hopes that Ashley is not too disappointed to see her. "Can we talk?"

"What? Are you done with all of the other _important_ stuff and since you have nothing better to do, you figured you might spare five minutes to spend with me?" Ashley asks sarcastically, but Spencer can see in her eyes how hurt she really is. How hurt Ashley is because of her.

"Please, Ash, I don't wanna fight. I just wanna talk." Spencer says calmly and looks at Ashley affectionately, making the brunette regret her reaction from a second ago. She knows things haven't been easy for Spencer either, and she really doesn't want to make them any more complicated than they already are.

"Sorry." She apologizes and motions for Spencer to come in. "Come on in." Spencer comes inside and Ashley closes the door behind her. "Do you want anything to drink?" She offers, but she feels like she already knows the answer.

"No, thank you." Spencer smiles. "What I need is for you to listen to me."

Ashley smiles gently and takes Spencer's hand to lead her to the couch.

"Look, before you say anything," Ashley starts still a little unsure of what to do next. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for being so… was _clingy_ the word?" She asks and looks at Spencer meaningfully, half joking and half being dead serious.

"God I'm such a bitch…" Spencer exhales and Ashley can't help but chuckle at hearing the word come out of the blonde's mouth. For a moment they just look at each other, as if trying to collect thoughts or come up with what to say. "And I will take that silence and lack of protest as a yes." Spencer adds after a while and Ashley laughs, but becomes serious a second later.

"Spencer, I…" She tries to say something, but Spencer doesn't let her.

"No, it's OK, I hear ya. Obviously you won't call me that to my face, but honestly I wouldn't blame you if you did, since it's true." Spencer says and takes another deep breath. "Look, Ashley, I need to tell you something and I need you to try and understand why I've been acting the way I have recently." She takes Ashley's hand in hers and looks her directly in the eye. "You got mad at me for changing the subject every time you brought up the future and for avoiding the conversation and of course I denied doing that, but we both know it's true. I've been trying to avoid the subject of our future, I admit that, but not for the reasons you think. It's not because I'm scared of making a commitment, because in my heart I made a commitment to you a long time ago. It's because I'm so scared of what the future means for us." Spencer can see that Ashley wants to say something, but she doesn't want to be interrupted. " I know that you don't give a crap about college and all that stuff, and I get your reasons, I really do, but for me it's different. I've always wanted to go college, I still do, and I hope that you can understand that."

"Of course I do." Ashley insists, suddenly becoming angry that her behavior might have indicated otherwise. "I know how much all of this means to you. Which is why I'm so sorry I've been freaking out and…"

"No, I was the one who was freaking out." Spencer interrupts her. "I've been so freaked out about my senior project, colleges and I've been so hung up on that part of my future that I totally forgot about the part that includes you."

"Look, I get that you're nervous about college and everything, but I gotta say I was a little hurt that you refused to even talk about our future. It made me feel like…"

"I know." Spencer cuts her short and kisses her hand gently. "And I am so sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be a part of my future." Spencer stops for a moment to look at Ashley and make sure the brunette knows she means it. "Do you remember what you asked me at breakfast today? About what we mean to each other?" Ashley nods. "Well, I can't give you the answer to your second question right now, but let me just answer the other two." She looks at Ashley intently. "You are definitely a lot of firsts for me, but I want you to be my forever. And I want us to have a future together. And I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, I don't know yet if I'm staying or going, but I do know one thing. Whatever my life is going to be like in the future, I want you in it. I _need_ you in it. And I'm so sorry I made you feel like you even had to wonder." Spencer gently strokes Ashley's cheek and she can see a soft smile on the brunette's face. "I love you, Ashley, and no college, no matter how far away, is ever going to change that. You have to know that."

"Sometimes I feel like I do, but sometimes I just need to hear you say that." Ashley sighs. "I guess I'm clingy that way." She adds and she can see how uncomfortable Spencer is starting to feel. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up. It's just that…" She pauses for a moment trying to come up with the words. "This is all your fault." She finally says and when she sees Spencer's puzzled expression, she quickly continues. "I never used to care about people wanting or not wanting me in their future. They had me in their present and that was fine with me. But you changed that, Spencer. You make me wanna be in your future so badly that sometimes I can't even imagine a future without you. And with everybody else I learned to not feel that way, to not care, but with you I can't."

"Well you don't have to." Spencer smiles and leans in to place a gentle kiss on Ashley's lips. "I don't ever want you to have to imagine a future without me. Just like I don't ever want to have to imagine a future without you. So whatever happens, I want to be your forever. If you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you, silly." Ashley laughs as she pulls Spencer in for a hug. "But you need to promise me one thing."

"What?" Spencer asks surprised, as she slowly slips away from the embrace. Ashley looks at her with a serious expression on her face.

"I need you to promise me that whatever you decide to do with your life, you'll make a decision that is best for you. I want you to have the college experience that you have always dreamed of, OK? So please promise me that you'll do what's best for you and whatever you decide and wherever you decide to go, we'll work around it and we'll make it work. Can you promise me that? Can you promise me that you'll do what's right for you?"

"I promise." Spencer smiles and as she looks into Ashley's eyes she really believes that they can make it work. For a moment they just look at each other, happy that they have had that conversation. "You know what I have always wanted to be a part of my perfect college experience?" Spencer asks in what Ashley could swear is a very seductive tone.

"What?" She asks curious.

"Making out with my hot…" She pauses for a moment and laughs. "Well, at the time I first started imagining college I probably thought boyfriend, but you get the idea, right?" She grins.

"I think I do." Ashley runs her hand through Spencer's hair and gently kisses her neck. "That particular aspect of college experience I can definitely help you with." She grins as she brings her head up to kiss Spencer on the lips.

"Is that so?" Spencer asks in a slightly husky voice.

"Uhhm." Ashley replies pulling Spencer closer to her and kissing her more passionately.

"I think I'm gonna enjoy college." She jokes as she lets her hands wander up Ashley's shirt, but before things get too heated she pulls away and looks at Ashley apologetically. "I'm sorry, I know I was the one who brought up the making out part, but I have some things that I need to take care of before the party. I'll see you there, OK?" She asks as she stands up and heads towards the door. "But I'm really glad we had that talk." She smiles as she pulls Ashley for a gentle hug.

"Me too." Ashley smiles back at her, her heart racing, confident that this was one of the most important moments in their entire relationship.

Spencer slowly lets go of Ashley and opens the door, but before she can leave, she hears Ashley calling after her.

"Hey Carlin."

"Yeah?" Spencer turns around.

"We're gonna be alright, aren't we?" Ashley asks, her eyes full of hope.

"Yes we are, Davies. We are." The blonde replies and with one last glance around and at the girl she loves, she leaves. Ashley closes the door behind her and sighs. For the first time in her life she looks forward to her future. Her future with Spencer Carlin.


End file.
